So Saturday, I was sitting at my house, enjoying leftover calzone and pondering the wonders of my second round of second day hair. I was thinking “Wow, Avachi has my hair still looking and feeling good and it’s not a grease pit, wow” when my cell phone rings…it’s Cole and she’s all: “I’m at my second Estate Sale today and there’s so much stuff in here, it's awesome, I’m coming to get you”…alright, sounds fun and I’ve got decent enough hair, so I throw on some flip flops, kennel the dog and meet her out front.
As we pull out of the neighborhood, she mentions needing to run to the mall to buy some khakis for her new job. Well, I remember that the day before I had seen some coupons in the paper for 20% extra off at The Large Department Store (which is the only place in our mall that is usually worth going into and that is sometimes questionable, but then I’m not a shopper, …) so I suggest running to my office to pick them up.
Now, some background, my office is not close to the mall, granted it’s not that far either and it is in the opposite direction, but still, on a bad day, it’s 15 minutes from there to the mall. On the way there, Cole notices some tornado damage (we live in Tuscaloosa, AL and April 27, 2011 is a day we will never forget) and is all “Whoa, I didn’t know it extended this far out of town” and I’m like “Yep, that’s pretty much the beginning of our damage area and you can drive the track all the way across town starting here” and she’s like “What? No way. I had no idea. I haven’t seen this yet.” So I tell her we’ll head back to town that way if she wants to after we grab the coupons.
**Knowing Cole and what she did after the tornado, finding out that she wasn’t aware of the damage outside of Alberta City and 15th Street and even Rosedale, wasn’t too much of a shock. She did spend many, many hours of many days doing volunteer work in some of the hardest hit areas of Tuscaloosa, but she was within a small area of town, she didn’t have tv (no power) and was more in clean-up and help mode than listening to all of the damage stories (which is more than anyone can comprehend all at once) and she’s seen a lot of the other damage by the mere fact that there is no way to go across town without seeing it, but out here, there’s no reason for the normal everyday traveler to pass by.**
Anyhow, on the way back towards the city, we took the back roads so she could see the path of the tornado. Awestruck, amazed, shocked, saddened…all words that barely begin to encompass the emotion surrounding this little detour. Then we finally wove our way to the mall, after having welled up with tears the closer we got to the mall…yes, I am retarded but like I said, it’s almost too much to comprehend. So we park, I check my eyes and face for tell-tale signs of tears, pull my hair back into a low, loose pony tail and head inside to buy a pair of khakis. Easy, right?
We walked from one side of The Large Department Store to the other and found exactly 2 displays with khakis and one of the displays was immediately ruled out due to the type of fabric – they were dress pants, not actual khakis. And the second display, well, let’s just say that I’m pretty sure than in order to even try them on, you had to have an id stating that you were, in fact, above age 65. So in an effort to hurry, we decide to ditch the 20% off coupons and move on to another store. My hair went into a slightly higher, tighter ponytail.
We made our way through the mall to a smaller chain, known for casual wear, again, exactly two types of khakis on display…hmmmm…I’m beginning to see a pattern, I think?!?!?! So at least, at this place, the khakis are cute and Cole grabs a couple of pairs in a couple of sizes and runs into a fitting room. I, on the other hand, pull my hair into a new pony tail, do a little poof at the crown and wait. She emerges…pair one, umm, no. Larger size of pair one, ummm, no. Pair two, ummm, no. Larger size pair two, forget it. It’s like these khakis were made for some oddly shaped gourd, not a woman!
So we move on to another small chain store and much to our non-surprise, guess what? They had 2 types of khakis! Again she grabs a couple of sizes and dashes into the fitting room. As I wander the floor and check out the cute new Fall line, pull my hair out of the ponytail and into a loose bun, Cole emerges from the fitting room, with this disgusted look on her face. So I made my way over to her and laugh…hideous is the only word I can give for these khakis! I mean seriously, what is the deal? She’s not oddly shaped, in fact, I would think she’d be an easy person to shop for as far as sizing goes! I mean seriously, this is getting ridiculous! We should have had her try on some black pants or jeans to see if all of the pants were like that or just khaki ones!
So in Utter Mall Disgust, we race back across the mall, stopping in the Large Department Store again to oogle over some purses and sunglasses.
“Well”, Cole says “let’s go to that store” pointing across the highway to the new Outdoor Shopping Village. She says it in a tone of desperation, like this is it, the Last Destination on this crazy khaki hunt. So we zigzag across the parking lot, cross the highway and squeeze into one of the too tight parking places.
As we are walking from the car to the store, we both mumble about the fiery July heat and I pull my hair again into a new ponytail, catching up any tendrils that have worked their way loose from the bun, which was not many...as I type this I'm beginning to think this is just a nervous habit more than anything.
We rush around the store, grab up the only pair of khakis we can find in the women’s section and when I say only, I mean the only pair that wasn’t capris or cargo or linen or men’s, girls or boys. The only pair of khakis in the women’s section of this particular Larger, ObNoxiously Advertised Chain of Stores. We hunt down the fitting room and Cole snags a room.
I sit down on the conveniently located bench and begin people watching.
Then I hear this loud mix of a laugh and a grunt and the word “Seriously?!?!?” (you know where the voice goes up at the end of the , uh-oh…what now? Cole bursts out of the dressing room looks up and down the aisle and mouths the words “what the fuck” to me. I immediately look down at the pants and actually think they don’t look too bad, actually they look pretty good…so in my confusion, I’m like “what?”…Cole walks over to me, lifts her shirt and shows me the closure on the pants. They zip up and at the top they are supposed to have those 2 hooks that clasp together to hold the pants closed, only the hardware is only on one side (and here is where I should have whipped out the handy smart phone and taken a picture to load here, but I didn’t and it sucks)…there were no hooks to clasp into the closure! And then she shows me the other pair of pants she had taken into the room with her and they are the same way! What the fuck indeed.
As quickly as possible, we rush out of there, disgusted, tired of shopping and now sweating again in the heat. I’m thinking we are about to head over to the Estate Sale, nope, “let’s go see if there are any townhouses for lease in B**** C****”. So we journey across town, ride through that neighborhood and several others, stopping along the way to get some realtor phone numbers and flyers so Cole can inquire further into these places later. It starts raining. But there was one more neighborhood that I was sure Cole would love, but may not know about, so I pointed the Lexus (not mine, by the way) in that direction…we rode through it about 3 different ways and scooped up 2 new flyers. Score! At least we got something out of this disaster.
I looked at the clock, like it hadn’t been there in front of me the whole time….
it’s almost 5…
hmmm, guess I’ll make that Estate Sale tomorrow…
maybe…
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